Seems Like It Was Just Yesterday….
I remember the first time that I used the word transgender. Wow, it seems like it was just yesterday….from an early age I knew that I didn’t identify with the gender I was assigned at birth. Up until that day, I had used words like gender queer, lesbian, butch and non-binary to describe myself. All of those words were very truthful in a sense, but those words also made me feel like I was on the outs with a community that I so desperately wanted to connect with. Besides that, those words did not describe me in my entirety.
I wasn’t on hormones, I didn’t have any kind of surgery. Furthermore, I wasn’t sure if I wanted any of those things. Who would love me? Who would want me? Who would accept a mere shell of a man? Above all, I knew that I wasn’t ready to look like a cis gender male but every time someone referred to me as madam, miss, woman, lady, it stung lie a pitch fork thrusted into the pit of my stomach. I felt the core of not being trans enough, as if my form of trans wasn’t valid.
That day though, the very first day, I busted through the barriers that I myself had constructed.
That triumphant day I finally had enough of compromising my happiness for a world that I felt didn’t care. Ready or not I stood in front of the mirror butt naked and fresh out of the shower and I said it. I am a boy, I am.….transgender….
If you struggle with your body positivity please feel free to reach out and message me at anytime for advice, guidance or support. You are valid.